Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Lisa]

Can't remember if anyone posted this before...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us.
There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken
crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to
have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by
unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real
Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars.
And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken
crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream
of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook, - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken!

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken
THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the
road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

[Biggles]

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?


Lisa,

Aside from this part, which I find somewhat lacking in taste, I thought it was hilarious. As much as I detest Janet Reno, for example, I would never make fun of her Parkinson's, although I would never hesitate to criticize her policies as Attorney General. Likewise, I think criticising any public official's policies is fair game. Just a comment. I'm not being critical of you, just observing that part of that seems insensitive. :-)

[Ken Valentine]

Great one's Lisa!

Tradeja!


Tomas deTorquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: 42.

Oliver North: Because National Security was at stake.

Bruce Willis: Why doesn't somebody ask the f***in' chicken?

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was going very fast.

Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Sir Edmond Hillary: Because it was there.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to, that's the (censored) reason.

W.C. Fields: To get another drink.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Lord Nelson: I see no chicken.

John Wayne: 'Cause a chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do.

Hillary Clinton: I don't remember. . . . I don't recall. . . . I have no recollection of that information.

Douglas MacArthur: In order to return.

Sirs William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan: To verify through measurement and research explorational,
Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational.
And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal,
To be the very model of a modern chicken-general.

Richard Nixon: This isn't about roads and chickens. I don't think you quite understand that what you believe I may have meant isn't what you think I said.

The Duke of Wellington: The road was crossed on the laying fields of Eton.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chickens feet while he was practising his golf swing and thinking about his family.

General Custer: RIGHT NOW! . . . YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT CHICKENS?

Ken V.

[Lisa]

Well, Biggles, I didn't write it, so you'll have to not be critical of someone else.

Lisa