Funny Bumperstickers . . .

[Ken Valentine]

Here are some of my favorites:

TIME IS WHAT KEEPS THINGS FROM HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE.

YOUR KID MAY BE AN HONOR STUDENT, BUT YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT!

NEVER MIND WORLD PEACE . . . VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL!

WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF "SMART."

HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.

THINK "HONK" IF YOU"RE A TELEPATH

A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, NIGHT.

I WILL GIVE UP MY GIN WHEN IT IS POURED FROM MY COLD DEAD GLASS.

What are your favorites?

Ken V.

[Scott Miller]

Bigger Than John Holmes.

Scott

[Tim Hatch]

FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink). :D

[Marc]

How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT

[fpw]

Keep Honking...I'm reloading

[Biggles]

Keep Honking...I'm reloading

I [spade symbol] my dog.

I [club symbol] my wife.

Driver carries only $20 in ammunition.

[Scott Miller]

I STILL MISS MY MAN, BUT MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER.

I BRAKE FOR ARTESIANS.

SCOTT

[Mailedbypostman]

Horn broken. Watch for finger. :D

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyhow.

Gravity is a myth. The earth just sucks!

So many pedestrians. So little time.

My karma just ran over your dogma. :eek:

It's bad luck to be superstitous. :mad:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. :D

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

[Sam]

Jesus Saves. Gretzky steals....HE SCORES!!!!!

[Biggles]

Jesus Saves. Gretzky steals....HE SCORES!!!!!

Jesus Saves...Moses Invests.

[Ken Valentine]

How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT

I remember that one . . . on the back of a big-rig.

Good one.

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

I MISS MY MAN, BUT MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER.

I BRAKE FOR ARTESIANS.

SCOTT

Wasn't that first one also the name of a country-western song? :D

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

Keep Honking...I'm reloading

'Nother good one.

A friend had a license plate frame that said, "My other Auto is a 9mm." A highway patrolman actually stopped him because of it. Nothing untoward happened, but still . . . .

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

I [spade symbol] my dog.

I [club symbol] my wife.

Driver carries only $20 in ammunition.

Remember back in the early '70's when Born-Again Christians had bumperstickers proclaiming. "I FOUND IT!"?

I remember seeing one of those on a car parked next to another one that had a bumpersticker exclaiming, "I LOST MY (picture of a Mule's rear end) IN LAS VEGAS!" :D

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

Horn broken. Watch for finger. :D

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyhow.

Gravity is a myth. The earth just sucks!

So many pedestrians. So little time.

My karma just ran over your dogma. :eek:

It's bad luck to be superstitous. :mad:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. :D

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.


Good ones! I also remember your number three, with the addition, "That's why space is a vacuum."

Here's another; "I GO FROM ZERO TO BITCH IN 3.8 SECONDS!"

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

Jesus Saves. Gretzky steals....HE SCORES!!!!!

'Nother goodie!

Reminds me of one a friend had printed up; "HONK IF YOU ESCHEW JESUS!" A lot of people with religious symbols on their cars honked and waved . . . guess they didn't know what 'Ecshew" meant.

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

Jesus Saves...Moses Invests.

I LIKE THAT ONE!

Ken V.

[Biggles]

I LIKE THAT ONE!

Ken V.


"I have PMS and a Handgun; How may I help you?"

[Ken Valentine]

"I have PMS and a Handgun; How may I help you?"

Heinlein's definition of PMS: "Shortly before their periods, some women act exactly the way men do all the time." :D

"DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD -- UNTIE!"

"IF MY CAR WERE A HORSE, I'D HAVE TO SHOOT IT."

"THEY DIDN'T LET ME OUT, THEY JUST GAVE ME A DAY PASS."

"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, CAN I DEPLOY YOUR AIRBAG?"

"IF GOD IS YOUR COPILOT -- SWITCH SEATS!"

"GOD WAS MY COPILOT UNTIL WE CRASHED IN THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM!"

"YOUR VILLAGE CALLED -- THEY'RE MISSING AN IDIOT!"

"EARTH IS FULL! GO HOME!"

"TAXATION WITH REPRESENTATION AIN'T SO GREAT EITHER!"

"ACCIDENTS IN BACKSEATS CAUSE KIDS. KIDS IN BACKSEATS CAUSE ACCIDENTS."

"THE TIME FOR ACTION IS PAST. NOW IS THE TIME FOR SENSLESS BICKERING."

"THE ONLY THING THAT SAVES US FROM BUREAUCRACY IS ITS INEFFICIENCY."

"And I remember one that originally said: "LIVE BETTER -- WORK UNION." "Cept the guy cut off the word "UNION." I liked it better that way too!

Ken V.

[Scott Miller]

Wasn't that first one also the name of a country-western song? :D .

I'm not sure on that but I do know that it is the title for a mystery novel that I've looked at many times.

Scott

[Ken Valentine]

I'm not sure on that but I do know that it is the title for a mystery novel that I've looked at many times.

Scott

A joke country-western song. I'll put them up on another thread.

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

Keep Honking...I'm reloading

"TREES ONLY HIT CARS IN SELF DEFENSE!"

Ken V.

[Mailedbypostman]

"Let's not meet by accident!" :D
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
"The sooner i fall behind, the more time i have to catch up." Hmm....
"I am boldly going nowhere." :p
"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left." :D
"Indecision may or may not be my problem." :(

[Biggles]

"Let's not meet by accident!" :D
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
"The sooner i fall behind, the more time i have to catch up." Hmm....
"I am boldly going nowhere." :p
"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left." :D
"Indecision may or may not be my problem." :(

Straight man: "You are indecisive and apathetic!"
Punch line: "Well maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but I don't really give a damn."

[Biggles]

Straight man: "You are indecisive and apathetic!"
Punch line: "Well maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but I don't really give a damn."

It's time to care about apathy!

[The Mad American]

Save The Whales...collect The Whole Set

On The Other Hand You Have Different Fingers

42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot

Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average

I Drive Way Too Fast To Care About Cholesterol

Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It

If You Think Nobody Cares Try Missing A Couple Of Payments

Whats The Speed Of Dark?

Eagles May Soar But Weasels Never Get Sucked Into Jet Engines

What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Don't Have Film

[Ken Valentine]

Save The Whales...collect The Whole Set

On The Other Hand You Have Different Fingers

42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot

Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average

I Drive Way Too Fast To Care About Cholesterol

Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It

If You Think Nobody Cares Try Missing A Couple Of Payments

Whats The Speed Of Dark?

Eagles May Soar But Weasels Never Get Sucked Into Jet Engines

What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Don't Have Film

Welcome to the board Mad American . . . those are great!

Ken V.

[The Mad American]

Welcome to the board Mad American . . . those are great!

Ken V.


Thanks Ken, glad you liked them....

[AsMoral]

I was driving behind a biker and on the back of his leather jacket he had embroidered: "If you can read this, the bitch fell off!"

[Tim Hatch]

Here's a few more:

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

[Ken Valentine]

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.


That reminds me of . . .

A real friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun."

Ken V.

[Mailedbypostman]

Never judge a book by it's movie. :D
Let me tell you about my vow of silence. :confused:
STOP FOLLOWING ME!
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative. :p
I brake for...wait. AAH! NO BRAKES!!!
Let them that don't want memories have them of not getting any. :confused:
Reality takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

[Biggles]

Never judge a book by it's movie. :D
Let me tell you about my vow of silence. :confused:
STOP FOLLOWING ME!
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative. :p
I brake for...wait. AAH! NO BRAKES!!!
Let them that don't want memories have them of not getting any. :confused:
Reality takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

This one SHOULD be a bumper sticker:

"There are two kiinds of people: thinkers and doers. I'll take the Dewars (neat on the rocks)"

[Biggles]

Never judge a book by it's movie. :D
Let me tell you about my vow of silence. :confused:
STOP FOLLOWING ME!
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative. :p
I brake for...wait. AAH! NO BRAKES!!!
Let them that don't want memories have them of not getting any. :confused:
Reality takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

"A day without orange juice...
Is a day when you have to drink your vodka straight up."

[jhannaford]

"Honk if your horn is broken" (I stole that one from George Carlin)

[BK Akitas]

"If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair"

"I may be a bitch but I'm not YOUR bitch"

"The keys are on the front seat next to the Akita"

"My Akita is smarter than your honor student"

"Stupid people shouldn't breed" (I like this one, its true on two fronts!)

"I still miss my husband..but my aim is improving"

"Impeach the Son of a Bush"

[Silverfish]

"Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly."

[Blake]

Here's one I saw years ago:

"Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, the meaner I get."

Blake

[webby]

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

And many years ago, the Wisconsin Board of Tourism came up with the slogan, "Escape to Wisconsin", and put it on bumper stickers and whatnot. I saw more than a few vehicles with the middle of that bumper sticker removed so that it read... ESCAPE WISCONSIN. :D

[Ken Valentine]

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

And many years ago, the Wisconsin Board of Tourism came up with the slogan, "Escape to Wisconsin", and put it on bumper stickers and whatnot. I saw more than a few vehicles with the middle of that bumper sticker removed so that it read... ESCAPE WISCONSIN. :D

Which reminds me of a sticker which said: LIVE BETTER . . . WORK UNION.

I got a kick out of the one I saw which had the word "Union" removed.

Ken V.

[volshan]

Militant Agnostic: I don't know, and you don't either!

I found Jesus. He was behind the couch the whole time.

:p

Volshan

[Kenji]

"Honk if your horn is broken" (I stole that one from George Carlin)


You stole George Carlin's bumper sticker? :D

[Scott Miller]

You stole George Carlin's bumper sticker? :D

Good one, Kenji.

[Barry Lee Dejasu]

"Honk at me and I'll flick a booger on your windshield."

"My juvenile delinquent is sleeping with your honor student!"

"Stolen Babies On Board" (a promo sticker from the band Stolen Babies - it's yellow and has the big block letters and all, nonetheless! I'd sure like to see someone have that on their bumper and NOT get pulled over...)

"So many right-wing Christians...so few lions"

"What exactly are conservatives conserving?"

[Scott Miller]

"The only Bush I trust is my own."

[sigokat]

I found Jesus. He was behind the couch the whole time.

:p

Volshan

That's awesome!!

This wasn't a bumper sticker but a t-shirt:

Jesus Saves...(on the front)

But takes half damage (on the back with a picture of Jesus half burned/beat up...its a D&D reference)

I laughed my ass off when I saw it.

[BK Akitas]

I always wanted to see a commercial/bumpersticker/tshirt that said:

Jesus Saves.....Money On His Car Insurance By Switching To Geico!

if you want to see some (really offensive but) funny tshirts go to www.prickwear.com not for the faint of heart. bring a sick sense of humor and your credit card, I bought three. (LOVED the "NOT MOHAMMED! one).

[KRW]

Best one I've ever seen had to be home made because I've only seen it once.

"Does a tree falling in the woods make a sound when it lands on a spotted owl?

[webby]

Gun control means using both hands.

As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

i > u

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

[Britfan]

That's awesome!!

This wasn't a bumper sticker but a t-shirt:

Jesus Saves...(on the front)

But takes half damage (on the back with a picture of Jesus half burned/beat up...its a D&D reference)

I laughed my ass off when I saw it.

Love that one as an ex d&d player

funny without being too offensive

[The Mad American]

Jesus saves....then he shoots and scores!!!

[Ken Valentine]

Jesus saves....then he shoots and scores!!!

Jesus Saves . . . Moses Invests.

Ken V.