Absurd Sayings

[Scott Hajek]

Anyone else got really absurd sayings like the following:

"And, you'll shit, too, if you eat regular."
"Well, douse me in gasoline and burn me like a Buddhist monk."
"Does a he-horse have a hang-down?"

[Mailedbypostman]

I don't really get those ones. As for my own, nothing at the moment.

[fpw]

Anyone else got really absurd sayings like the following:

"And, you'll shit, too, if you eat regular."
"Well, douse me in gasoline and burn me like a Buddhist monk."
"Does a he-horse have a hang-down?"

They don't sound as absurd as something like, "I could care less."

[Biggles]

They don't sound as absurd as something like, "I could care less."

That's an all too common one. Another one is "better than any x", when it should be "better than any other x". If it were better than any, it would be better than itself, an impossibility.

[jimbow8]

"Same difference!" That is the one that annoys me to no end.

[Ken Valentine]

"Same difference!" That is the one that annoys me to no end.

Yes, that one would be annoying. On t' other hand, I'll sometimes jokingly describe something by saying, "It's exactly like_________, 'cept it's different."

When someone asks, "How are you doing?" my favorite reply is to ask, "How am I doing . . . what?"

Refer to my second quote below.

Ken V.

[Jay #1]

*blinks* never thought about that, however... it's more tactful. Either that or say "How are you now after the emotional turmoil which struck you last week?"

When someone asks, "How are you doing?" my favorite reply is to ask, "How am I doing . . . what?"

Refer to my second quote below.

Ken V.

[Ken Valentine]

"How are you now after the emotional turmoil which struck you last week?"

Answer:

What do you mean "after?" There is no after. Life is emotional turmoil. What comes after life?

Brings to mind that so-called unanswerable question, "Have you stopped beating your wife?" The implications of answering "Yes," are just as bad as answering "No." So my answer would be, "Can't stop something I never started."

Ken V.

[Sam]

Anyone else got really absurd sayings like the following:

"And, you'll shit, too, if you eat regular."
"Well, douse me in gasoline and burn me like a Buddhist monk."
"Does a he-horse have a hang-down?"

Considering where I'm from, absurd sayings are common:
"Pissing up a wet rope."
"Cuter than bumps on a pickle."
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining."
"Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's a sundae."
"Sounded like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
"Looked like a monkey Fu**ing a football."
"I feel like hammered dog shit."

Just a few off the top of my head. My apologies for all the curse words but that is the way the quotes are spoken. Hope I didn't offend!!

[Lisa]

"Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's a sundae."


My grandmother says "He thinks his shit is ice cream." Never heard it anywhere else before now.

Lisa

[Sam]

My grandmother says "He thinks his shit is ice cream." Never heard it anywhere else before now.

Lisa
Like your version better!! :D

[Biggles]

My grandmother says "He thinks his shit is ice cream." Never heard it anywhere else before now.

Lisa

I've heard that "shit's ice cream" expression since the '60s. It was probably just before your time.

[Ken Valentine]

I've heard that "shit's ice cream" expression since the '60s. It was probably just before your time.

Muss be a regional thang. I've never heard it before.

On rare occassions I use an expression I coined myself about thirty years ago: "He may think he's hot shit, but to me he's just a warm turd."

Ken - aka potty mouth - V.

[Lisa]

I've heard that "shit's ice cream" expression since the '60s. It was probably just before your time.

Well, my mom was born in 1953 and she's never heard it from anyone but my grandmother either. I always thought my grandmother made it up or something. She has quite a few, shall we say, colorful metaphors in her vocabulary.

Lisa

[Biggles]

Well, my mom was born in 1953 and she's never heard it from anyone but my grandmother either. I always thought my grandmother made it up or something. She has quite a few, shall we say, colorful metaphors in her vocabulary.

Lisa

Every expression has to start somewhere. Who's to say your grandma didn't coin the phrase? Your mom is barely older than me, and I heard the expression from an older sibling, so who knows.

[The Mad American]

One of my favorites is "That dog won't hunt.." usually said when someone thinks something won't work.

Can't tell I am a transplanted hillbilly now can you?

[Sam]

How about, " I'm the one who's screwing this cat. You just hold the tail." Seems I heard it in an Eastwood movie....Heartbreak Ridge I think???

Or one of my favs I heard in the movie Christine..."You can't polish a turd."

On a disgusting note, an old roomie once described his BM's after a night of drinking cheap beer as " Having the consistency of bad catsup." And, "Sounded like someone pouring out a pot of beef stew." (I found these hilarious but maybe my sense of humor is a bit twisted.) :D

[The Mad American]

Sorry to add to this line of thinking but along the lines of Sams old roommate, I have a friend who every time he has a BM, comes out of the toilet and in his worst Captain James T. Kirk impersonation says "Captains log....peanutty and painful" it was funny the first few times but now I just want to strangle him when he does it.

[Paul R]

They don't sound as absurd as something like, "I could care less."

Over here in Sunny England, that phrase is 'I couldn't care less', which, to me, seems to make more sense.

[jimbow8]

Over here in Sunny England, that phrase is 'I couldn't care less', which, to me, seems to make more sense.
Yeah, it bugs me when people say "I could care less" though not nearly as much as when they say "same difference."

[Biggles]

Over here in Sunny England, that phrase is 'I couldn't care less', which, to me, seems to make more sense.

Because the more common form of the expression makes absolutely no sense, I have always used "couldn't" as well.